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Cake Pops FAIL

By: Pfoinkle

It’s been a while since I baked a cake, but then someone on twitter (@greatwhitesnark) pointed out these Star Wars Cake Pops and I thought, “cake pops? how cool is that?”

Like I said, it’s been a while. Anyway, I started researching cake pops and if you research cake pops, you are going to end up at Bakerella’s place.

She is flipping brilliant with the cake pops AND she makes it look soooo easy.

Looks can be deceiving. *nods knowingly*

Not one to rush in unschooled, I ordered this:

The smart thing to do next would be to read the book — thoroughly. I did not. I excitedly skimmed through and looked for the list of supplies I would need.

But I didn’t exactly follow the book.

That was my first mistake. I bought this stuff:

Looking at that picture now, I see one two three four mistakes.

The first two mistakes:

  1. I bought white cake mix. White cake is almost always light and fluffy (wrong texture) and pretty sweet.
  2. I always add pudding to cake mix. It makes it more dense (that would be a good thing) and more moist (that would be a bad thing).

More on the other two mistakes, later.

First I baked the cake in a 9″ x 13″ pan as instructed.

Looks pretty good.

Now pay close attention to that picture… because that’s the VERY LAST thing that goes right in this cake pop misadventure.

The next step is to crumble the cooled cake. There should be no large bits.

See all the large bits? The cake was so moist, the more I tried to crumble it, the bigger the bits got.


The next step is to mix canned frosting with the crumbled cake.

wow. Now it’s REALLY moist. Like raw dough. Raw dough that’s not going to be baked.

This can’t possibly taste good. Well, I’ll just plow forward knowing the white cake mix was a mistake, but I can still make them look cute.

*shaking head ‘no’*

The next step is to melt some chocolate candy. I chose Wilton’s candy melts. Mistake #3. The thing is, once you melt the Wilton’s Melts, they’re still pretty thick. Other people know this (I googled it).

Other people don’t use Wilton’s cake melts for enrobing.


So my first cake pop looked like this:

Well, that’s just wrong. So very very wrong.

And here is where mistake #4 comes into play. One of the supply items is a styrofoam block to put the cake pops in while they dry.


I don’t have a stryrofoam block.

Oh, bloody hell.

Since there’s not a scrap of stryofoam in my house, I come up with this solution:

I thought I was pretty clever. That’s brown rice in a tub. A couple of cups of brown rice in a tub.

*boy, that would be a mess to clean up if it dumped over, wouldn’t it?*

Back to the melts. Obviously, the melted melts just aren’t melted enough. I should melt them some more.

Did I mention that this is the first time I’ve worked with melts?

Here’s what happens when you try to melt already melted candy melts:

*wrinkled nose*

What is that burnt smell? And oh look, a candy melt *farkity fark fark* blob.

*@#!$%!* @*!&$%! (#$^&!

It’s okay. It’s. O. K.

I have more unmelted melts. I did some online research and discovered my best option was to add oil to the melts.

*this is going to taste so very very bad*

No no, it’s realllll-y o-k. I’m all about how it looks, now. So I added the oil and melted some more melts.

Looks-wise and coating-wise, this second batch of melted melts worked much better. Not perfect, but I was happily dipping little cake balls and putting them in the tub of rice (*hey, this is working great*) and then… and then…

And then all the upright little dipped cake balls shifted in the tub o’rice.


Yes, ALL of them shifted. At once. And it looked like this:


*oh dear God, they’re all stuck together*

After taking that picture, I placed the camera on the table. And, in the greatest synchronized diving cake pops scene EVER, they did this:

You can’t tell it from that picture, but there is rice everywhere.


*on hands and knees, bowing*

Dear Bakerella, I am not worthy.

At all.

So I drank one of these:

And ate one of these:

And it was everything I expected.

The End.

The Absolute *farking* end.


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