Like I said, it’s been a while. Anyway, I started researching cake pops and if you research cake pops, you are going to end up at Bakerella’s place.

She is flipping brilliant with the cake pops AND she makes it look soooo easy.

Looks can be deceiving. *nods knowingly*

Not one to rush in unschooled, I ordered this:

The smart thing to do next would be to read the book — thoroughly. I did not. I excitedly skimmed through and looked for the list of supplies I would need.

But I didn’t exactly follow the book.

That was my first mistake. I bought this stuff:

Looking at that picture now, I see one two three four mistakes.

The first two mistakes:

1. I bought white cake mix. White cake is almost always light and fluffy (wrong texture) and pretty sweet.
2. I always add pudding to cake mix. It makes it more dense (that would be a good thing) and more moist (that would be a bad thing).

More on the other two mistakes, later.

First I baked the cake in a 9″ x 13″ pan as instructed.

Looks pretty good.

Now pay close attention to that picture… because that’s the VERY LAST thing that goes right in this cake pop misadventure.

The next step is to crumble the cooled cake. There should be no large bits.

See all the large bits? The cake was so moist, the more I tried to crumble it, the bigger the bits got.

*uh-oh*

The next step is to mix canned frosting with the crumbled cake.

wow. Now it’s REALLY moist. Like raw dough. Raw dough that’s not going to be baked.

This can’t possibly taste good. Well, I’ll just plow forward knowing the white cake mix was a mistake, but I can still make them look cute.

*shaking head ‘no’*

The next step is to melt some chocolate candy. I chose Wilton’s candy melts. Mistake #3. The thing is, once you melt the Wilton’s Melts, they’re still pretty thick. Other people know this (I googled it).

Other people don’t use Wilton’s cake melts for enrobing.

*sigh*

So my first cake pop looked like this:

Well, that’s just wrong. So very very wrong.

And here is where mistake #4 comes into play. One of the supply items is a styrofoam block to put the cake pops in while they dry.

*craaaaaaaaaap*

I don’t have a stryrofoam block.

Oh, bloody hell.

Since there’s not a scrap of stryofoam in my house, I come up with this solution:

I thought I was pretty clever. That’s brown rice in a tub. A couple of cups of brown rice in a tub.

*boy, that would be a mess to clean up if it dumped over, wouldn’t it?*

Back to the melts. Obviously, the melted melts just aren’t melted enough. I should melt them some more.

Did I mention that this is the first time I’ve worked with melts?

Here’s what happens when you try to melt already melted candy melts:

*wrinkled nose*

What is that burnt smell? And oh look, a candy melt *farkity fark fark* blob.

*@#!$%!* @*!&$%! (#$^&!

It’s okay. It’s. O. K.

I have more unmelted melts. I did some online research and discovered my best option was to add oil to the melts.

*this is going to taste so very very bad*

No no, it’s realllll-y o-k. I’m all about how it looks, now. So I added the oil and melted some more melts.

Looks-wise and coating-wise, this second batch of melted melts worked much better. Not perfect, but I was happily dipping little cake balls and putting them in the tub of rice (*hey, this is working great*) and then… and then…

And then all the upright little dipped cake balls shifted in the tub o’rice.

*gawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww*

Yes, ALL of them shifted. At once. And it looked like this:

*panic*

*oh dear God, they’re all stuck together*

After taking that picture, I placed the camera on the table. And, in the greatest synchronized diving cake pops scene EVER, they did this:

You can’t tell it from that picture, but there is rice everywhere.

EVERY. WHERE.

*on hands and knees, bowing*

Dear Bakerella, I am not worthy.

At all.

So I drank one of these:

And ate one of these:

And it was everything I expected.

The End.

The Absolute *farking* end.

lol

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Think creatively when it comes to cake fillings, and you’ll realize that there are options all over the grocery store. The best place to look is the jam aisle.

Strawberry Jam as Cake Filling

Lemon Pie Filling as Cake Filling

Hot Fudge as Chocolate Cake Filling

The only thing to remember when adding fillings is to be careful when you spread them between cake layers. Be sure that you don’t spread too closely to the cake edge, or your filling will spill out into your buttercream and cause icing issues. Stack your layers carefully, frost the outsides of your cake, and you have a simple and impressive filled cake.

Stack Second Layer over Filling and then Frost.

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I realized how necessary it is to provide structure and support for stacked cakes when I made my little girl’s first birthday cake. It was elaborate and tall, and as I stacked layer upon layer, the whole thing started to sink into itself! I had to take the entire cake apart, cut up some cardboard, cut some pens in half (necessity being the mother of invention and all that), and start stacking the layers with some added support. So that others don’t have to learn the hard way like I did, I decided to provide some basic tips for tiered cake construction.

1. The first step is to grab some dowel rods (or Plastic Dowel Rods for Tiered Cakes) and set them aside .


For cake stacking, use dowel rods and cardboard.

2. Next you’ll need cardboard.  You can recycle boxes that you have around the house, or you can use actual Cake Board for this. Set your cardboard aside for later.


Frost the first layer and allow the icing to form a crust.

3. Now ice the bottom layer of your cake and allow some time for the frosting to harden. If you don’t give it enough time, all of your frosting will stick to the cardboard support layer when the time comes to remove it.




4. You’ll want to choose pressure points when deciding where to place your dowel rods;  I would suggest all four corners for a square or rectangular cake, or several outer points for circular cakes.  Also place at least one or two dowel rods in the center area of your cake.  To measure the dowel rods, simply place the dowel rod in the cake and mark the proper height with a pencil.  Be sure to place the dowel rod in the same spot that it will go later in case your cake is an uneven height.  Cut the dowel rod with a steak knife (perfect for plastic rods), or a small Hand-held saw.  This can take some serious elbow grease, so be prepared. Then place your dowel rods in your cake.


Insert dowel rods in weight pressure points.





Place cardboard or cakeboard on top of the bottom layer.

5. Now cut your cardboard to size.  You’ll want it smaller than the actual size of the cake (you don’t want cardboard peeking out from the side of your lovely creation!), but you’ll want to be sure to cover all of the dowel rods.  If the next layer is going to be smaller than the bottom layer, shape your cardboard to the size of the smaller layer.
6. Stack your second layer, and repeat the process if necessary.

Place the next layer and repeat the process if necessary.

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So for everyone wanting a smooth buttercream frosting, watch this video — it’s truly excellent and really worth the time it takes to watch.

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Crumbs and tears while frosting cake.

Everyone who has ever frosted a cake with buttercream icing has faced the dreaded Crumb Problem. Wicked evil crumbs stirring up in your beautifully white frosting, showing themselves as discolorations and unattractive lumps.

And nobody wants unattractive lumps on their cake.

So it’s Crumb Coat to the rescue. A “crumb coat” is made of thinned frosting that is then spread over the cake and allowed to “crust” (or dry). The crumb coat acts as a “sealant” and does a pretty good job keeping crumbs attached to the cake and not your pretty frosting.

Ingredients

• 1/2 cup frosting
• 1 to 3 tsp of thinner (milk, water, or corn syrup)

Consistency of crumb coat mixture

Directions

• Place 1/2 cup of frosting in a small bowl.
• Add 1 tsp of your chosen thinner. Use a fork to mix well. For either the
  Butteriest Buttercream or the
  Bright White Buttercream, I use milk or water as a thinner.
• The perfect consistency for a crumb coat mixture is something between pudding and syrup (see picture to right). Add thinner, one teaspoon at a time, until you achieve the desired consistency.
• Spread the crumb coat mixture over the cake.
• Allow the crumb coat to crust (dry) and then frost cake with regular frosting.

Chocolate cake with applied crumb coat

The crumb coat may be applied when the cake is nearly cooled or completely cooled. It won’t be pretty. Just keep in mind that the crumb coat is functional, not decorative and while it won’t win a beauty pageant, it has work to do — keeping the crumbs out of your frosting.

Besides, you’re going to cover up every last bit of that crumb coat with your full-strength buttercream frosting.

Final buttercream frosting applied over crumb coat.

The Final Product

Once the crumb coat has crusted, frost the cake. A crumb coat doesn’t mean you can manhandle your cake without repercussion, but it does mean that frosting a cake (particularly one with cut edges) will be a lot less frustrating.

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This diagram shows a 9" x 13" cake cut into 18 pieces. Each serving measures 1.8" x 3"

It’s Party Time and you’ve decided you’d like to serve a sheet cake, but there’s only one problem: What size sheet cake has the right number of servings for the people you wish to feed.

The answer to the question, “How Many People Does A Sheet Cake Feed?” actually lies in the answers to two other questions:

• How big is the sheet cake?
• What size servings will you offer?

In the U.S. there are four “standard” sizes of sheet cakes.

How big is the sheet cake?

Most bakeries in the U.S. have three standard sizes of sheet cakes available.

• 1/4 Sheet Cake, 9″ x 12″, serves 12-28
• 1/2 Sheet Cake, 11″ x 15″, serves 18-40
• Full Sheet Cake, 18″ x 24″, serves 48-108

If you’re planning to bake a sheet cake at home, the most common size cake pan is 9″ x 13″ (slightly larger than the one-quarter sheet cake offered by bakeries)

• Homemade Sheet Cake, 9″ x 13″, serves 13-28

This diagram shows a 9" x 13" cake cut into 21 pieces. Each serving measures 1.8" x 3"

While those are the standard sizes, there is only one way to be 100% how big the “half sheet cake” your baker is making is: ask.

What size servings will you offer?

Serving size is a matter of personal preference, type of event, and budget. For me, the perfect serving size is 2″ x 3″. If you’re doing a casual backyard barbecue, you might want to increase the serving dimensions to 3″ x 3″ or 2″ x 4″. Both of those are large servings of cake and no one will accuse you of skimping. For more formal affairs, you can drop the serving size down to 2″ x 2″ or 1″ x 3″.

This diagram shows a 9" x 13" cake cut into 28 servings. Each serving measures 1.8" x 2.25"

Keep in mind that all measurements (and number of people served per cake) are approximations — some people will insist on a “small piece” and others will beg for “just a smidgen more”. And don’t forget the people who want seconds!

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